Italian sisters in hiding to escape dad

It is with great sadness that I read the article in today’s Sydney Morning Herald that had this headline. Allegedly the mother had left Italy with the four girls two years ago to live in Queensland. The girls had not seen the father since leaving Italy.

Some of you will sympathise with the father who has gone to the trouble of locating the girls in Australia and applying to the courts to take them back to Italy.

Some of you will sympathise with the mother who alleges she left Italy to escape the abuse to her and the girls by the father.

My heart breaks for the four sisters who are just going through the most traumatic time, being ordered to be returned to another country, without their mother, to live with their father, whom they say is violent and abusive. They say they are settled and happy in Australia and want to stay. They will and are now allegedly in hiding with a relative to avoid being forcibly placed on a plane to Italy this evening.

What is the law doing to this these girls? Apparently the law allowed the mother to leave Italy and obtain passports for them to reside in Australia and now after they have established and settled lives, the law says that the girls must be forcibly relocated with the father in Italy!

How will the father deal with the girls being so distressed on the plane forced by Federal police to leave Australia? How will he make them happy in Italy without their mother in these circumstances? Even if he establishes the children have been alienated from him by the mother, is this the way to overcome and deal with it?

I know the Family Law Act states that the most important factor to be taken into account in children’s matters is the “best interests of the children”. Where have the “best interests” of the children been taken into account here? Isn’t this just a case of what is Dad’s rights V Mum’s rights rather than the most important factor being the children’s rights?

If I could make a recommendation it would be for the father to spend some time with the girls here in Australia and for the mother to facilitate that in a comfortable and safe environment for a few weeks. After that time, if all works out and its appropriate, for the father to try and work out a plan with the mother for the girls to spend some time in Italy to get to know him and his life there. Isn’t this the sensible approach or am I mad? If we love our children don’t we try and work things out for them even if it means it’s not enforcing what the law says we can?

Please let there be a sensible solution to this situation.

Julie

Mediation according to Sir Lawrence Street

One of the most frustrating things about family law is watching people go through the same long process and pain over and over again. Mainly because parties are hurt and vulnerable litigation can be a highly volatile process to embark on. This is why mediation has become so popular and successful in family law, as it allows parties to come to a resolution of their diffences between themselves having worked through their disagreements.

We learn so much from those who are our learned collegues and I did recently from a short speech by Sir Lawrence Street telling giving us the benefit of his experience in doing over 2500 mediations. What Sir Lawrence said in his speech was:-

That disagreements are not black nor white, they are a shade of grey in between.

In every dispute the parties have the same central material, but they see it differently. What we need to work out is “how did the dispute come about?” “What is it the parties are seeing differently and how can we get them to see each other’s point of view?”

A resolution of a dispute involves consensus. You need to try to get the other side to see the other parties point of view to solve it. Once you have someone looking at something from an emotional point of view you lose perspective.

Mediation has sound social and moral validity. It is problem solving through consensus. It is a process owned by the parties to help them to resolve the dispute. It’s a win/win in the fact of a settlement. Not the terms of the settlement (as both parties will have to wear a bit of pain) but that both parties have a dispute resolved.

Lawyers tend to work in the way “I’m right, you’re wrong”. In mediation we are aiming for the peaceful resolution of conflict. Peace is what we as human beings look for.

Why can’t we agree on anything anymore?

Many couples find that leading up to, and after separation they just can’t agree on anything anymore. How can this be when you seemed to have been able to spent so many years happily together, loving each other and agreeing on everything to somehow suddenly having almost nothing in common except your children? A couple [...]

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Mediation – How to get a fair result

Mediation was made compulsory for all matters in the family court involving children (except in cases of abuse or urgency) in 2007. There has been some discussion that it may be made compulsory in financial matters in the not too distant future. Since it’s introduction practitioners have seen the benefits that mediation can bring to [...]

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The Best Interests of Children

It is sometimes very difficult for parents to agree on arrangements for their children after a separation. Sometimes it’s impossible and they end up in court arguing over who should get what time with their children. This is sad for both the parents and the children, who in most cases love and adore both their [...]

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We will regard you as married under the law, you just can’t get legally married?

Would someone please explain to me how our government gets away with this? We saw the introduction of the new legislation from 1 March, 2009 that brought defacto relationship’s into the jurisdiction of the family court. The law requires that you or your former partner, who may be of the same or opposite sex, had [...]

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Mediate instead of Litigate?

What are the benefits of trying alternative dispute resolution and attempting to mediate a family law dispute instead of litigating? Within the last decade there has been an enormous growth in recognition of alternative dispute resolution including mediation. Within the last ten years under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) mediation is now mandatory in [...]

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